vamphile | Waiting For Forever, Part Two, J2, R (Reply)

Waiting For Forever

Jared was pacing the living room three days later when Jensen returned home, his cotton pants in a dark charcoal matched with his lapis blue shirt with charcoal stripes, paired with a dark t-shirt underneath.

“Well?”

“Well, I’m the newest associate at Aéropostale. Store number 1375, Colin Creek Mall.”

Jared wanted to launch himself into Jensen's arms, which, in fairness, wasn’t exactly a new desire, but no one, No One, had ever gone out of their way for Jared like this and he didn’t know how to say thank you. Especially since the jobs Jensen had been applying for were corporate gigs, not helping people find the right hoodie and folding all the ones they didn’t want.

He wrapped an arm around Jensen's waist, waiting to be pushed away, but Jensen never did. “I start orientation on Monday. So we’ve got four days to get to the thirty-third level or we may never get there, and we should get started on your science presentation, a head start will help.”

Jared wanted to protest but Jensen had a way of making him feel like it was just…all part of a normal day: get up, have breakfast, hang out with Jared, help Jared. As if it were nothing at all, and that’s the part that never got old.

People had helped Jared before. Foster parents, his grandmother, his caseworker, but no one had ever made it seem so natural; no one had ever done it without waiting for an effusive thank you.

Jensen didn’t even seem to think about it. Seemed surprised when the thank yous came.

They had a snack. Well, he had a snack, Jensen watched and started to boot up the game hoping this time they’d be able, together, to get it to the next level.

Jensen sat through the spiel, “be nice to customers. Help them but don’t hover. Always look busy and tidy up the store.” He tried not to roll his eyes. Tried to pretend this was all training for when he was a manager again, a “what not to do” kinda thing, but he couldn’t shake the two blatant truths. 1. He was a sales associate at Aéropostale, just like he had been at the Gap when he was in high school. 2. He was doing this for Jared. His parents would never get rid of Jared. His mom needed to mother like some people needed air, but here he was, doing this because apparently he’d do almost anything for the kid, just to see him stop pacing and biting his lip because he knew the next step was food hoarding and beating up trees with his bare hands and fuck, he’d rather work at the Colin Creek Mall than have that shit start again. He didn’t like Jared in that headspace.

After his second day of training he shadowed Christy. She was exactly what she sounded like, tall and blonde and pretty and oh so cool because she didn’t work at the piercing pagoda or with those freaks at Hot Topic. Jensen said nothing - he was a shadow.

She made it clear on their break, where she smoked three cigarettes for dinner, that she and her boyfriend were practically over.

Jensen made it clear that he wasn’t into high school kids. And he was gay. She seemed disappointed but then seemed to think he’d somehow meant that he was taking applications for a hag.

He had Danneel if he needed to grope a boob. He didn’t need this high school girl. He thought maybe Jared could use her services; the kid didn’t seem to have any friends at school. He mentioned his little brother and heard in his head Jared's correction, foster brother, but when she heard his name she pursed her lips in a disapproving moue. “Jared Pada-whatever?”

“Yeah, why?”

“He’s kinda… creepy.”

“Never noticed, how so?”

“He’s always got his head down and his shoulders hunched like he’s afraid someone’s gonna talk to him, and he sits outside by himself at lunch with his headphones on, but once, Becky Maloney saw that they weren’t hooked up to anything.”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, he likes the quiet. Well, I think I’ve figured out this whole, wait on the customer and don’t call them dicks thing, so… that’s for letting me shadow you.”

“No, wait, you’re supposed to shadow for the whole shift...”

“Yeah, but I used to work at the Gap, I think I can sell a sweatshirt.” Jensen walked away, giving her a quick wave without turning around. He’d have to talk to Jared about this. Creepy is not a selling point in high school.

Jared really thought he had outgrown the blushing thing. He could hit on Jensen with a cool charm; he could talk to teachers without stammering. He could talk to Miss Donna comfortably and Mr. Alan with only a little nervous flutter, but when Jensen started asking him about school, about his school social life, he started stammering and blushing like he did when he was twelve and had moved into his third foster home, the one with the twin seventeen year old boys and the ten year old girl with a crush on him.

He stared at the floor and Jensen handed him a package. “Here, you don’t even have to turn it on.”

It was an iPod. “But...”

“If you want to be left alone, fine, they’re high school kids. I wouldn’t want to talk to them either, and that Christy bitch… I almost choked her on a drawstring last week when she went on a diatribe about how stores like this shouldn’t sell any sizes over XL and then the XL’s should only go to people who want oversized, not to people who are, and I quote. “Actually fat, I mean, eww.”

Jared smiled. “She’s failing English.”

“Well, she can barely speak it, so I’m not surprised. She seems pretty popular from the number of people cluttering up the store just to say hi to her.”

“Yeah, she um… she’s popular, guys think she’s pretty, girls think she’s cool. Plus… if she doesn’t like you… it can be bad.”

“Her crew leaves you alone?”

“Yeah, mostly, which is better than if they make a project out of you, or just decide to let the school know what a loser you are.”

“Harsh.”

Jared shrugged, putting his cards on the table, wishing he’d never asked Jensen to get a job, that Jensen never met Christy, that his worlds weren’t colliding. “I am a loser though, a high school loser. The foster freak.”

“Hey!”

Jared's head snapped up.

“Not a loser. Just a… less than desirable in high school. So are most successful people… oh shit, I sound like my mother. Look, if you wanna be popular, we can do that, retrospect is an awesome tool, but if you just wanna get through and be who you are… I can do that too. Let me know.”

“I just want to be left alone. I want to pass, and come home, you know, back here.”

“Home.”

“And just play video games and work on a project I’ve been thinking about but I need a faster computer, and to get that I need a job and well, to get a job you kinda need to be cool enough to get one at the mall or I’ll end up selling boots to fake rednecks, which is my idea of hell.”

“Popularity is not what a job at the mall is about… trust me.”

“It is, though. They don’t hire the foster geeks to work at Old Navy. That’s for the guys who schedule their work around practice.”

“Jared, if you want a job, we’ll get you a job. Just say the word.”

“At Aéropostale? You’ve worked there for two weeks and you have enough pull to get me a job?”

“No. But I know enough about interviewing to get you a job where they’re hiring. I think a couple of places at the food court are hiring, and so is the Christmas gift kiosk.”

“You’d do that for me?”

“Help you learn to interview? Yeah, on one condition.”

“What?”

“You stop acting surprised when I’m nice to you.”

“I’ll try, but you’re usually such a dick.”

“And you’re usually an inappropriately provocative foster geek, but hey, we all have our crosses to bear.”

Jared threw a pillow at Jensen, who then stepped forward and punched him in the arm. “We good?”

Jared nodded.

Jensen was pretty sure he’d been less nervous about his recent and disastrous interview with Nortel than he was about Jared's interview at Cinnabon.

Jared walked into the store all smiles, though.

“You got it?”

“I got it. 5-9 Mon – Thurs and every other Saturday 11-7. After taxes I should be able to get a laptop in a month, maybe a little more. A really good one.”

“Awesome.”

“Yeah, but I can’t start 'til next week.”

“Why not?”

“I told them I had to go out of town but I won’t be sixteen until the 20th.”

“Is this your not so subtle way of reminding me I have to buy you a birthday gift?”

Jared leaned over the counter where Jensen was changing the tags on hats that were moving to the sale section. He smiled and then ran his tongue over his teeth. “What I want from you, you can’t buy anywhere in the mall.” He pretended to think, and added, “at least I hope not or I’ll never save up for a computer.”

“You just keep saving. Maybe you can make a skin of me on the Sims, and have him woohoo with a skin of you. It’s the closest you’re gonna get.”

“Really?” Jared put one of the newly marked hats on and then looked up at Jensen from under it.

“Really, well, at least while we’re still talking about your sixteenth birthday in present tense.”

“Pffft, I’m way more mature than you are.”

“Like, really? Oh my god!” Jensen did a bad valley girl voice.

“Like really, and oh. My. God. You know you want me.”

Jensen looked up. Jared's voice had dropped an octave and affected him. And that was not something Jared needed to know. “Go shopping; your mommy says you need a nice pair of pants for Christmas at grandmas.”

“She’s your mommy, too.”

“Which makes this wronger. Go. I’ll drive you home when I’m done in a couple hours.”

“Are you gonna miss me?”

“Which answer gets you out of my store fastest?”

Jared didn’t so much walk as sashay out, his ass rocking with each step. It was Wrong Jensen reminded himself. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong but he didn’t stop looking.

Jensen, who was in general a firm believer in instant gratification, bought Jared the laptop for his birthday. He gave it to him over cake and ice-cream after dinner. Jared was already surrounded by opened gifts - Mac had sent him something and Josh had bought him a hand held Nintendo DS. Donna and Alan had bought him a pair of obscenely expensive sneakers that he’d outgrow at this rate before he wore them out, and gift cards to his favorite stores.

He was smiling widely before Jensen handed him the wide flat box.

Jared looked up at him, his expression disbelieving.

“Just open it.”

“Is this a trick, is it like a joke or…?”

“Open your gift.”

So he did and he was awed, literally speechless, and then he leaned over and hugged Jensen and he was warm and smelled like cake, and that Old Spice body wash he used that Jensen always mocked him for and it was nothing like the contact they had when he punched his arm or wrestled the remote out of his hand and he had a feeling they were both too red and had given away too much when they pulled back.

“But now…”

“Now you can use your money for whatever you want.”

”What about you?”

“I’m still looking for a real job, and when I get one, this won’t even phase me, and until then… I think my parents are still okay with me not paying rent.”

They nodded and Jared looked uncomfortable again.

Jensen rolled his eyes. “Go play with your new toys, I’ll help with the cleanup in here.”

Jared took off before anyone could change their minds.

He was helping his mother load the dishwasher after getting rid of all the wrapping paper and hanging the cards on the fridge door.

“You like him.”

‘He’s alright.”

“He’s sixteen.”

“I know, I just sat through his sweet sixteen. So glad you didn’t buy him a car, I’d have been jealous.”

“We got you a car when you were seventeen.”

“Yeah, well, he’s smarter than I was.”

“He gets better grades, that’s for sure. But then, he has a big brother who helps him study. Josh never helped you like that.”

‘Well, I’m just trying to be the brother Josh never was.”

‘And that’s it?”

“Mom, he’s my brother.”

“Foster brother.”

“Not you too.”

“Not the way he means it, no.”

Jensen looked up, startled, and his mother laughed

“Do you think I’m completely oblivious, Jensen? Do you think I don’t know that Josh used to buy you beer when you were seventeen? Did you think Dad never found the cans you left on the roof? I see it, Jensen. You’ve got… I don’t know, a crush or something, and his is even bigger and maybe more dangerous. Just… be careful.”

“Yeah, I promise.”

“Okay, so, thanks for your help, now go play with your brother.”

Jensen headed towards Jared's room, calling over his shoulder, “foster brother.”

Jensen's usual schedule was 1-9 so he took his lunch break to go home and pick up Jared. They talked in the car on the drive and usually took Jared's break together. After work, they’d eat the leftover Cinnabons and talk about the idiots at the mall, the stupid people who got caught shoplifting or whatever, by security, the blonde girl who was always hanging out in front of Forever 21, that Jared and Jensen decided was probably one of those suburban mall hookers that showed up on scandal TV shows sometimes.

After a month, Jensen got promoted to assistant manager. His hours didn’t change but he had to close up the store and he was making more money.

Jensen kept Jared’s backpack behind the counter and while he was closing up, Jared did whatever homework he had left. The rhythm was easy and the banter was comfortable and anyone looking from the outside probably thought they were dating.

When Jensen was tired after ten hours on his feet he’d rest his head on Jared's shoulder, and noticed that it wasn’t where it used to be. “You’re getting taller.”

“Yeah. Taller than you now.”

Jensen stopped them in the catacombs behind the mall “wait, really?”

Jared raised an eyebrow. “Does that turn you on?”

Jensen said nothing, just looked directly into Jared's eyes which were, goddammit, an inch above his. “Fuck.”

“Okay.”

“Shuddup.”

Jared walked ahead a few steps and Jensen tsked. “Still skinny, like someone stretched you out on a rack.”

Jared flipped him the finger. “Shuddup.”

Mac was coming home for the summer and Jensen's parents were in the living room discussing what they were going to do.

“I don’t want to upend Jared.”

“Well, I don’t want to make Jensen sleep on the couch.”

“You could give up your office.”

“I’ve been working from home a lot on the weekends. You know I need a space to do that.”

“We could finally finish the attic. There’s a lot of junk in there.”

“The garage?”

“The attic. We need the garage storage more.”

“We haven’t fit a car in there in years.”

Jensen interrupted them. “The attic won’t work dad, you won’t be able to stand except in the middle, no one can. I’ll help you clean out the garage this weekend. Jared will help.”

”Jared can’t help.”

Jensen's face twisted. “Why not?”

“We’re not allowed to ask him to do excessive household chores honey, it’s in the contract.”

“But, this isn’t like slavery, you’re gonna let me help, right?”

“We’re gonna make you help.”

“Exactly.”

“We can’t ask him to help.”

“Can’t ask him, or can’t let him?”

“Can’t ask him.”

“Gotcha. He’s not working this weekend, and next weekend we could have a yard sale, and then dad, you and me could put up the drywall.”

“You and I.”

“You knew what I meant.”

“Okay, sounds like fun.”

”Man, I’m glad I didn’t live through the depression. I’d hate to think cleaning and dry-walling is fun.”

His father threw a pillow at him and Jensen threw it back, laughing.

Jared was working as hard as any of them, hauling boxes and stuff from the garage to the driveway, putting it in the pickup to be hauled off to be donated or in the pile of trash or upstairs to the attic if it was getting kept.

They were more than halfway done when his case manager came by.

“Hi all!”

Jensen instinctively stood a little in front of Jared, trying to hide that he was helping. It was stupid and pointless but he had to do something.

Jared smiled. “Hey, Brenda. I’m helping Miss Donna get the garage ready so that Mac can come home.”

Brenda tilted her head while Donna explained the planned sleeping arrangements.

“So Jensen's room with be next to Jared's?”

“Well, I guess, just like Josh and Jensen's were.”

“But Josh and Jensen were brothers.”

“So are we.” Jensen added, relieved Jared decided now was a bad time to play the foster card.

“I’ll have to check if this is okay.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because your son has a clearly stated sexual orientation and we consider it a safety issue.”

Alan was standing next to his wife now. “What kind of a safety issue?”

Brenda’s voice didn’t waver. “When a child is in a house with a… with someone who’s… with… “

“With me, a sexual degenerate? That’s a safety issue? Because I’m going to molest him, right? Because gay means pedophile?”

“I wasn’t saying that, I was simply…”

“You know what? Don’t worry, I’m here to help my dad put up the drywall, by the time we switch rooms, I’ll be in my own place. I promise.”

Jensen's mother put a hand on his arm. “Jensen, don’t. I’m sure she didn’t mean…”

“Yeah, she meant I’d hurt him. Sorry Jared, better stay away from me, I can’t be trusted around a skinny freakish kid who works at the mall. Too much to resist in that old dirty shirt and those jeans that don’t even make it to your ankles.”

Jensen went to go splash water on his face before he did something that he wouldn’t regret but Jared would be forced to.

Jared followed him and leaned against the bathroom doorway.

“Jared, go. I don’t want you to get in any trouble.”

“I won’t. You’re my friend and you’re upset and what she said was bullshit, I mean, if you were gonna take advantage of me you would have caved by now.”

“Jared!”

“It’s true. and your parents are talking to her. You might have to sleep in the garage.”

Jensen laughed. “Yeah, because the extra three steps to your room, that’s what’s keeping me from ravishing you.”

“It isn’t? So what is?”

Jensen leveled his glare at Jared. “Stop. You know what’s at stake and you know that I’m not gonna fuck around with a sixteen year old. So just let it go, I’m too old for you.”

Jared crossed his arms and smiled. “For now.”

Jensen pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. “Arrrrggh! Do you listen, ever? We could lose you.”

Jared nodded. “I know, but not over this. She’s just an ignorant woman from the foster placement agency. She’s not from the state.”

“So?”

“Just trust me. She’s not gonna go through all that paperwork unless there’s a complaint and I am not complaining.” Jared’s eyes raked appreciatively over Jensen, who was in an old torn pair of jeans and a t-shirt that had seen better days.

By the end of the afternoon everyone was in slightly better spirits, although Donna was still spitting nails. No one got off calling her son a pedophile.

Jensen tried a few times to tell her he was okay. It didn’t fly, so in the end they ordered pizza for dinner and then hauled the useable stuff to the Salvation Army, reloading for a trip to the dump.

The last pile was in the middle of the garage and Jensen picked up a few of the pieces. “Dad, can we move these to my room?”

“You take up weightlifting again?”

“I was thinking I’d show Jared, maybe he wouldn’t look like a malnourished scarecrow if he bulked up a little.”

Jared pointed at himself. “Malnourished scarecrow? It’s not my fault I’m just waaaaaay taller than you.”

“Freak.”

”Foster freak.”

Jensen laughed and they moved the weights into Jared's room.

In late May Mac came home, Jared stayed where he was and Jensen was in his father’s old office, which before that had been Josh’s room. Mac complained that the room now smelled like boy but Jensen contended that if she could put up with a dorm room, she could handle the fact that he’d used her room for a bit.

She rolled her eyes.

Jared worked full time over the summer and Jensen worked even more hours than that, putting in so much overtime that apparently it was cheaper to make him a salaried store manager than to keep paying him overtime.

He took the promotion with good grace but he wasn’t sure it was where he wanted to be. In the meantime he was sure that the mall, with Jared, was. He drove him to work every morning and they took their breaks together every day. When Jared finished for the day he hung out in Jensen's store, or on the bench by the fountain directly in front of the store. H didn’t have homework anymore but he did manage, going into his senior year, to pretty much master the Nintendo DS and to put on twenty pounds of muscle. He was six three and weighed a hundred and eighty pounds and when he straightened his shoulders you could see the man that he was becoming.

Jensen was finding himself having more and more fun with that man. They played together. Played… tossing the football around, challenging each other to stupider and stupider stunts.

They pranked each other-Jensen pouring a bucket of ice cold water over the top of the shower doors and soaking Jared.

Jared covering Jensen’s sheets with Cinnabon icing until the whole thing looked like the aftermath of a bad porn movie. Worse because after a 16 hour day at the store, Jensen didn’t notice 'til he’d climbed into bed and found himself covered in the stuff.

It wasn’t funny, he didn’t laugh about it, not even later when it looked like he did.

The summer flew by and by the time school started again Jared weighed a hundred and ninety pounds and it was solid muscle. His floppy hair had grown out a little and was more wavy than schizophrenic. Between his general mall discount, plus Jensen's constantly setting items aside for him, plus the gift cards he’d received for his birthday, plus the back to school clothing allowance he received from the state, he had a wardrobe that fit and passed Jensen’s more stringent tests of what was wearable in public.

He was almost, but not really, looking forward to school starting again.

Jared was saving all of his money for a car but he still wasn’t quite there after a summer of full time work so he was stuck heading to the bus stop, a good three and a half hours before Jensen had to be at the store, but there Jensen was, stopping him on his way out the door. “Take my car. I’ll take mom to work, we’ll switch up later.”

“Are you sure?”

“That you shouldn’t take the bus the first day of your senior year? Yeah. Take my car.”

Jared didn’t ask twice, just snagged the key and leaned in close to Jensen, “you’re the best foster brother ever, man.”

“Whatever. That better not be the last pop tart.”

Jared took a huge bite as he headed towards the door. “Mmmm, pop-tarty goodness, sorry dude.”

“You suck.”

“Someday you’ll let me prove it. For what it’s worth, I also swallow.”

Jared left.

Jensen tried to go back to sleep, but sometimes Jared crossed the line and it made Jensen lie there, refusing to acknowledge his erection but unable to get the thoughts and images out of his head.

Eventually he ended up jerking off fast and hard, absolutely not thinking about anything specific and especially not his foster brother’s mouth around his cock. Once he came he felt too guilty to sleep. He sent out a couple resumes but without much hope, or, if he was honest, too much concern. He liked the manager gig a lot more than the assistant manager position; his regional manager was a dick, but they all were, and yet… he wondered what that would be like.

Jared managed, barely, to keep working while he took an AP biology and an AP chemistry class and maintained a B average in the rest of his classes. He was filling out college applications, and writing essays. Jensen was helping him with those.

Jensen… Jensen was helping him with everything. They worked out three days a week, Jensen had paid for the gym memberships for both of them. They hung out and Jensen seemed perfectly happy to be hanging out with his freak younger foster brother. He spent fewer nights at clubs with Danneel and Chris, and more nights working just because he had another hour until Jared got off work.

He was sitting now with a pen tapping a rhythm against his fingers while he read Jared's most recent entrance essay.

He looked up. “Really?”

“What?”

“Nothing, just… I knew about your last foster home. I guess I suck, I never asked about the others.”

“Nothing to know. Mom OD’d, I lived with grandma, but she got old, couldn’t take care of a seven year old. I moved in with the Krane’s, they were like family for five years, but then he got laid off and the job he got next was out of state. Can’t foster a kid from another state so he picked the job. Then the Brentner’s, three years and their ten year old daughter turned into a thirteen year old daughter. She was like the poster child for teenage angst and she had a crush on every boy, ever, but me specifically, so they had to decide where to put their energy, me, the fucked up foster kid, or Amy, their real daughter, they picked her. I don’t blame them.”

Jensen nodded. “This one’s good man, you should use this for all of them.. shows strength, gets you the sympathy vote, you made honor roll this semester, and all last year, not to mention your 1420 on the SATs You should be golden.”

“No extra curriculars.”

“You’re hoping to be a pharmacist. You really think the pharmacy program cares if you were in band?”

“I don’t know…”

“You’ll be fine. You’ve got six schools, you’re all set. Who pays for the application fee?”

“The foster agency said they’d pay for five.”

“Well, you know mom and dad will pay for any others.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Dude, you know you have a better GPA than I did? Or even Mac did?”

“Really?”

“Really, grades weren’t their focus raising us.”

“Was it just having wicked attractive kids, because gotta tell you, if I were straight, Mac…”

“Finish that thought and I’ll kill you.”

“You’re such an adorable big brother.”

“And you’re on thin ice. Shut up and fix the changes I marked.”

Mac came home somewhere before Thanksgiving and returned to school after the holidays. She was a junior and starting to look at graduate schools. Her visit disconcerted Jared, who could barely think beyond getting into college, let alone doing the whole testing, application thing again. Besides, Jensen was more standoffish when Mac was around, and in fairness, she did seem to be watching them pretty closely.

Jared liked her just fine, but he wasn’t unhappy to see her go back to school, for life to get back to normal. School, work, Jensen. Lather, rinse, repeat.

It was a rare Thursday afternoon when they both had off from work. Jared was looking through the local auto dealer magazine and using his laptop to check craigslist ads. He was ready to buy a car.

Jensen tried to take the remote from him and Jared instinctually kept it away, holding it high over his head. Jensen climbed on his lap to get it. Jared moved his computer and pushed Jensen down to the floor.

Jensen was about to get up when Jared landed on him, pinning his arms down. Stuff they’d done a hundred times before.

Jensen reached up and actually managed to get his hand on the remote, and his knee between Jared's thighs and Jared did the one thing he knew would let him keep the remote. He kissed Jensen.

This wasn’t the warm dry press of lips they’d played with a couple of times, this was a hot wet mash of lips and insistent tongue meeting Jensen's, and then the remote was forgotten and Jensen's hands were in Jared's hair, and Jensen's tongue was mapping Jared's mouth and his knee was moving just a little.

Jared was draped over Jensen's body, his hands on either side of Jensen's head, his weight balanced a little on his elbow to prevent crushing Jensen, but the contact was warm and solid as their bodies fit together the way Jared always knew they would, had known they were meant to almost eighteen months ago when he’d first really stopped to consider Jensen as a possibility.

And then Jensen pulled back. “Where’d you go?”

“Huh, nowhere.” And he kissed him again, this time Jared took the lead, sucking on Jensen's tongue until Jensen was making little whimpers with each pull.

“Dude, are you trying to like, remove it from my body?”

“Too much?”

“A little, yeah.” Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared's shoulders and rolled them on the old shag carpet of the living room, pinning Jared to the floor and kissing him with a soft gentle pressure and a slow building rhythm. His hands moved from tangling in Jared's hair to moving down his body, pushing his shirt up, his thumbs rubbing over Jared's nipples.

Jared's body arched into Jensen's touch and kissed him back, following his lead and giving up trying to think one step ahead, or really, at all. They just kept going, time and everything else seemed to stop; Jared would roll them over and kiss Jensen breathless and the next time Jared was paying close attention to positions Jensen's weight was the only thing holding him and Jensen's hands were sliding through his hair again, angling his head and cradling it from the less than pillow like surface of the floor.

He was so ready to come, so close, just rocking up against Jensen's thigh, no one having moved to unbutton or unzip anything yet. Things might have been heading in that direction but the unmistakable thunk of Miss Donna’s keys landing in the bowl brought them both out of their little bubble.

“Shit shit shit.”

“We… we have to.”

“Go take a shower.”

”Why me?”

“Because she’s my mom, I can lie and not feel guilty. Go.”

Jared went, barely missing her.

Jensen pulled himself up onto the couch and mentally tried to talk his rock hard erection, from his fucking brother, down. Okay, his mom in the room and a fast reminder that Jared's his little brother and if any other twenty four year old had touched him like that he’d fucking kill him, was working. He tried to straighten his clothes but knew his mother was gonna see something amiss.

“Hey mom. How was work?”

“Fine, honey are you okay, you look…”

“Tired, I’m just tired mom.” Jensen faked a yawn. “I’m going to take a nap. Call me for dinner?”

She didn’t look entirely convinced but nodded as he tried not to run back to his bedroom where he changed his clothes because these smelled like Jared, and he tried not to think of Jared.

His eyes were closed when he felt a heavy warm, damp weight. He opened one eye to find Jared in nothing but a towel draped over him again and licking along his lip. Oh, he was sooo going to hell.

“Jare, no, c’mon.”

‘Why not?”

“Why not? Because you’re in a towel. Because my mother’s making spaghetti two rooms over, because you’re my brother!”

“Foster brother.” Jared reminded him and Jensen banged his head against the headboard.

”Go put some clothes on. Go.”

“You know, I’m seventeen, not exactly jailbait.”

“Actually, you are exactly jailbait, and if anyone found out we’d lose you and its wrong and do I have to go through more? You’re young and hormones are everything. There’s more to life than making out.”

Jared's smile was wicked and Jensen pushed him to the floor. “Go.”

Jared nodded but didn’t seem cowed or deterred.

After dinner Jensen went out with Chris and Danneel. He got very drunk and muttered a lot about Twinkie boys and jailbait.

He tried to make out with some guy who kept looking at him, but in the end he wasn’t interested. He shrugged to Danneel and Chris when he returned from the alley early, “there’s more to life than making out.”

They didn’t seem to buy it any more than Jared had. What was wrong with people?

Jensen tried to keep his distance, but they lived in the same house, worked in the same mall and were attracted to the same thing, (each other) and he was only human so after a few weeks of a complete embargo on any physical contact, Jensen tried to adjust Jared's stance when they were working out. The crackle of desire was still there, which sucked, but it was reality. They both wanted.

After a month of very little touching, all of it platonic and unsatisfying, Jared finally bought a truck and plunked down almost as much money for insurance. First his agency case manager had to approve the damn thing, then his state case manager, and all the while Jared was nervous and mumbling a lot of shit that mostly boiled down to “eighteen and out”.

Finally, it was all approved and Jensen no longer had to worry about how Jared was getting to and from work on a daily basis. He felt the loss.

They seemed to have fallen into a good rhythm until a movie came out that they both wanted to see. Jared insisted on driving. It was just an old GMC pickup but he loved the damn thing and Jensen had loved his first car, so he got it.

What he never got was to see the movie. They ended up parked behind the theater, the smell of old popcorn and barbeque from the restaurant on the other side of the parking lot wafting over them. It started as Jared proving that the bed of the truck wasn’t rusting out or something, it ended with the both of them stretched out in the bed of the truck kissing like they were starving for it, and maybe they were.

It still didn’t go any further. Jared wanted more. Hell, Jensen wanted more, but there were some places he just wasn’t going, and down his brother’s pants one of them, at least not while he was still underage. He just… he wanted.

They gave up the pretense of not wanting after that. They kept it PG in public, nothing more than swats at the back of the head and harmless teasing and name calling. But when they were in Jared's room, working on homework, or Jensen's discussing colleges… that’s not at all what they were really doing with their mouths.

Jared tried to kiss Jensen but Jensen pushed him away, “don’t change the subject, I’m serious.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But you got in to three different schools, where do you want to go?”

“UT Dallas, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Well, you’ll be here, and…”

“Hold up, no way are you going or staying for me.”

“But… we’re together, so that has to factor.”

“No, it can’t, your high school boyfriend can’t be part of this decision.”

“So that’s what you are, my high school boyfriend, just some guy I’ll fondly remember in twenty years?”

“Well, it might be hard to forget me when I’ll be at Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

“You stupid… you… that’s it? When I graduate, we’re done?”

“Well, once you leave for college, I mean, what are you gonna do? Go to college and try to have a normal experience with a 25 year old boyfriend?”

“You’re not that old and you clearly don’t know fucking anything!” Jared stormed out of Jensen's room, slamming both doors before realizing there wasn’t enough room to pace.

He made it outside and across the yard where he started punching the first thing he came across, glowering and pacing and then turning to punch the stucco’d side of the shed.

He lost track of time, but Jensen was standing behind him. “Stop that.”

“Fuck off.”

“You’re bleeding. Cut that the fuck out.”

He hit the wall harder and Jensen grabbed his arm. “I said, cut it out.” Jensen turned him so his back was to the wall and his arms were pinned at his side. “This isn’t over. I didn’t say it had to be over, and maybe I said it wrong but what I will tell you is you can’t give up any opportunity just to be near me. I’m not settled here. I’m not living in my parent’s house forever. I’ve got a lot of creditors paid off, I’m working on financial independence again and you cannot ever put where I am before where you want to be.

“Maybe some of those foster families were dicks and didn’t choose you, but you have got to choose yourself. You hear me?”

Jared nodded.

“Okay, so we’re gonna go get your hands cleaned up. You’re not gonna do that again, and then, you’re gonna think about what school you want to attend.”

Jared nodded again and hissed as Jensen cleaned up his knuckles. “Stupid kid. Don’t worry, pick a school and I’ll follow. You can’t be trusted on your own.”

Jared ducked his head and kissed him almost chastely. “I’m sorry.”

“Whatever, just… yeah, I’m sorry too. I guess it sounded kinda final.”

Jensen sat in front of his boss, surprised and pleased, but mostly surprised.

“Well, I’ll give you a day to think about it.”

Jensen nodded and finished the day, driving Jared home in silence.

He mulled over the information again and again and realized it wasn’t worth it. He wanted it, sure, but Jared had chosen UT, Austin and this was going to put him further away than even he’d planned. He made the call and was so intent on being gracious he didn’t realize Jared had been standing in the doorway.

“You turned down the regional manager position?”

“It was for Central and West Texas. I’d have to be based out of Lubbock… that’s not really…”

Jared kicked the door closed and kissed Jensen. “You gave it up? Really?”

“Really. I picked you.”

They were both sprawled across each other and the bed several hours later when Jensen nudged Jared to head to his own room.

Jared felt a sick gnawing guilt. Jensen had spent the last year working towards this, even if he didn’t know it. He loved his job, it paid well, it made him happy and he was an awesome boss. He’d moved up the ladder quickly because he was good with people, and decisions, and this was his shot at something real, at not working at the mall like a teenager. This was his shot and he picked Jared.

A week after he’d done it, Jared stopped the truck and held Jensen's arm before he could get out and head back to work. “Take the job.”

“What?”

“You picked me? I’m picking you. Take the job. Pick yourself. That’s what you told me. If we work out, we’ll work out and if we don’t, well, okay, but you have to take this job.”

“Jared…”

“Jen, you have to take this job so… we’re gonna stop this thing and you’re gonna go to Lubbock, and we’ll just see, okay, we’ll just… see.”

“Wait, we’re stopping?”

“I’ve got finals, and you’ve gotta beg for another chance and find an apartment. So yeah, this is the end of us.”

“But…”

“Jen, please, it’s taking everything I have to do this, just…let me.”

Jensen did and Jared wasn’t sure if he loved him for that or hated him.

Jared turned 18 with more paperwork than fanfare. He signed out of the foster care system. The Ackles gave him an expensive keychain engraved with their last name on one side and his on the other, and a key to the house. “Family.” Mr. Alan, (dad) had said and Jared had nodded.

Jensen bought him the latest Blackberry and a year’s service. “I figured you’d need it at school.”

There were cards and gift cards from Mac and Josh, as well. Jensen hadn’t told his parents he was leaving yet. He had two weeks. Jared figured he was waiting 'til after his birthday.

Jared was right.

Jensen was packing; he’d accumulated a lot of stuff and still had the storage facility.

He’d been up to Lubbock once and rented a one bedroom apartment, basic and functional. He stacked the boxes in the corner and looked up to find Jared watching him. “I don’t think I thanked you properly for the phone.”

“No, you were polite.”

“Yeah, but… I’m 18 now, need to start acting it.”

“So what, you wanna write me a thank you card?” Jensen taped up another box.

“No, I want something else.”

Jensen looked up at the odd crack in Jared's voice and he saw something he kind of hadn’t seen in a long time. That skinny scared kid that was here when he first got here.

“Jared, we…”

“We can, just… look, I’m going to college and some drunken frat boy is gonna be my first? I don’t want that.”

Jensen studiously ignored the feeling of anyone else touching Jared, let alone being his first. “You want what, a single, melancholy night with me?”

“No, I was thinking more ‘one last fling’. A little fun tumble. You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about it.”

“Oh, I’ve thought about it. It’s my go-to thinking for some activities, but Jared, you’re eighteen, I’m twenty-five.”

“Why do you always quote our ages? I’m always gonna be younger than you. And I guess at college I probably will be able to find someone to touch me. Someone who’s not inappropriate, but you’re the first person who I ever really wanted. The first person who touched me that I wanted to touch back.”

The dark and ugly behind those words hung in the air and Jensen stared at him. “c’mere.” He pulled him forward and kissed him, cradling his head in his hands and tilting him to the perfect angle, breathing in his breath before he kissed him, soft and slow the way he knew Jared wanted, the way he wanted. He kissed him the way everyone should be kissed before their first time.

He peeled Jared's shirt off of him, and as many times as he saw him shirtless in a day- changing for work, walking from the bathroom back to his room after a shower, working out, he didn’t usually stop and study the beauty of the way what used to be skin stretched over bone was now a fully muscled torso; shoulders that weren’t as broad as they were going to be, but showed the potential; a chest that no longer looked concave. All of it screaming more man than boy.

He opened the fly of Jared's jeans and looked up when he heard the high pitched sound. He grinned wickedly. “We’ve never really quite gotten this far before, huh?”

Jared, apparently having lost the ability of speech, shook his head adamantly, which screamed more boy than man. Jensen slid Jared's jeans down over his hips; he wasn’t wearing underwear and his cock jutted out like it was reaching on its own. He let the jeans fall and backed Jared onto the bed, kissing him while he laid him out. Kissing down his neck and over his chest, painting promises of care and pleasure, of heat and love with his lips and tongue.

He pulled his own shirt off and Jared reached for him, almost reflexively.

Jensen took a moment to appreciate strong feel of Jared's palms pressed against his back, his fingers digging in a little on either side of his vertebrae. He shucked his jeans off and pressed their bodies together.

“I’m going to fuck you Jared. Not yet though; first I’m going to open you up carefully, gonna make sure your first time is good, and then I’m gonna ride you the way I’ve been dreaming about since you were just a cocky kid who didn’t even know what he was asking for.”

He ran his hand down Jared's chest, letting it curve around Jared's hip. “Gonna ride you like you wanted, should have just taken you over my knee then. Should have given you the spanking you deserved, but you kept at it, persevered, and now, now you deserve to know what it feels like to touch someone who you want touching you.”

And when we’re done Jared, when we’re all done, when I’ve fucked you hard and left you sticky and sated, well, you’re gonna have to pull it together because you need to know how to fuck a man, Jared, if you’re gonna be one, you need to know how to fuck one, so just know before the sun comes up, you’re gonna be inside me, following my directions and fucking me the way you want to be fucked, the way I want you to fuck me.

Understand?”

Jared was biting his lip, but he nodded and Jensen kept every promise he’d made for the both of them before the night was over, and when Jared crept off to the shower just after dawn he might have been walking a little crooked, but his smile was broad and straight and real.

Jared found college less overwhelming than a lot of his classmates. He’d been thoroughly prepared by Jensen. Not just sexually; Jensen had packed him a care package of essentials-condoms and lube, microwave popcorn, ramen, Pizza Hut gift cards, extra ram for his laptop, a program designed for laying out term papers, and a thousand things Jared thought were stupid until the moment he needed them, at which point he was thrilled to have threaded needles to sew a button back on, and an extra pack of t-shirts because laundry was suddenly a time issue and a third set of sheets because, yeah, they did get dirty and a huge box of sharpies…how the hell did Jensen know sharpies disappeared.

And each time he used one he thought of Jensen, his foster brother, and his ex-boyfriend and it was all too confusing to talk about, so he didn’t, which is probably why his roommate, Chad, and his roommate’s soul mate, (who meets their soul mate waiting in line to have their photo ID pic taken?) were surprised to see Jared run down the hall and stop two inches in front of the man they’d never seen and didn’t think they’d heard about before.

“You’re here.”

“I’ve gotta be at Northcross tomorrow, thought I’d see if you needed anything.”

Jensen was smiling and Jared leaned in until their lips almost met. “You. The guys here are useless.”

“Uh huh. And who are the people staring at us?”

Jared looked behind him and ran a hand through his hair. “Right, Chad, and Sophia.”

“Aaah, the infamous roommate, and Sophia, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Um, you too. Who are you again?”

Jensen raised an eyebrow and looked at Jared. “Who am I again?”

Jared gave a half shrug “Wanna be my ex-boyfriend this weekend…please.”

“I’m his ex-boyfriend. Hi.”

“Ex?”

“Um, ex as in, when he’s in town, not so much an ex, but he’s a total dork and took a job in Lubbock.”

“Dude, why?” from Chad.

“Long story, so, we need to um, get freshened up, and then what say I treat the three of you to real food, you know, where you sit down and eat at a table and it’s not a cafeteria.”

Jared smiled and leaned his head on Jensen's shoulder.

“Did you grow again?”

“What? No, maybe. Bye guys, we’ll see you here at seven?”

“Make it seven thirty.”

They nodded and left and Jensen and Jared disappeared into Jared's room.

Jensen got back to the college twice before the dorms closed for winter break. They of course saw each other, as brothers, foster brothers, at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Jensen was stuck in Lubbock for New Years and Jared was stuck in Richardson. Neither went out.

Jared got bogged down in new friends and class work and the general vacuum-like suction of college life. He texted Jensen at least once a day, but mostly little things, how boring a class was, how Chad and Sophia had broken up…again.

Jensen watched Jared flourish in college, the way he knew he would, and it wasn’t a sharp sadness, but there was a little pain there watching Jared outgrow him, but that’s what you do with your high school boyfriends. It happens to every relationship that thinks it can withstand college, and so he threw himself into work and by the time Jared started actually dating people in the second semester of his sophomore year, Jensen was making a name for himself in the company and had found a few places to go, get a drink, meet a guy for the night and then start all over in the morning.

When Jensen came to meet Jared on campus again it was a week before finals and Jared looked like he needed about two weeks worth of missed sleep. He was also clingier than usual.

“So, where’s the boyfriend?”

“I had to dump him last week.”

“What? Why?”

“He bought me Cool Ranch Doritos.”

“You hate Cool Ranch Doritos.”

“I know, I always say that.”

Jensen was sitting with his back to the wall on Jared's bed; Jared was sitting next to him, his head on Jensen's shoulder.

“Every time you see the bag, you say how much you hate them.”

“I know, I really hate them.”

“So why did he buy them?”

“Because after three months, he still didn’t know that I hate them. What’s my favorite ice cream?”

“Americone Dream, unless you want mint, then it’s plain mint chocolate chip.”

“And my favorite detergent?”

“You hate Gain and only like the way Arm and Hammer smells, but you use Tide unscented because it’s better with stains; you just use the Arm and Hammer dryer sheets.”

“Coke or Pepsi?”

“Mountain Dew.”

“See, am I that hard to know?”

“You do understand that no other boyfriend will have lived with you and watched you grow up.”

Jared snuggled closer to Jensen. “What if I don’t want another boyfriend?”

“Jared, not fair. You know that’s dirty pool.”

“Okay, well, can you at least let me work off some tension today, you know, until I have to go back to studying.”

“Yeah, if you promise to try to get some sleep.”

“I’ve got three months to sleep once I’m done with finals.”

“Those are in a week. You can’t go a week without sleep.”

“Wow, okay mom”.

Jared and Chad got an apartment for Junior year. Jensen put down Jared's first last and security for him so he didn’t have to use his summer Cinnabon money.

“So, um… this is it, my first apartment, and I guess I won’t be coming home when the dorms close now.”

“You’re always welcome there.”

“Yeah, but now you can have your room back.”

Jensen just shook his head. “It’s your room now.”

“But your room is now mom’s craft room.”

“Yeah, but that’s okay, I’m 26, I don’t need a room at my parent’s house.”

“You can always stay here.”

“And you can always stay with me, but it’s in Lubbock, so I can’t imagine you’d want to.”

“I’ll come up and see you over Christmas, maybe?”

“Maybe.”

They hugged, and Jared wanted more, but what he wanted was everything, and it wasn’t time for that yet.

Jensen got promoted to District Regional Manager. He gave his old route to someone else and now worked out of the office a few days a week, but on any given day he might be anywhere in Texas or Oklahoma.

He was exhausted and didn’t even bother to check in to his hotel. He just knocked on Jared's door.

Jared answered and pulled him into a hug. He was huge now, six foot four, and easily 220 pounds. When he gave a full body hug, the people behind and next to you felt it.

Jensen melted into it and when he pulled back he showered Jared with little bags of peanuts. Jared counted. “You’ve been on nine planes?”

“That’s just in the last five days. I don’t even know where I’m supposed to be tomorrow except at the airport an noon.”

“We’ll order in.”

“Not hungry.”

“You wanna get drunk? It’s a college, we have beer, and every alcohol ever.”

“Not thirsty.”

“Want to fuck me 'til we’re both boneless and sweaty.”

“‘Mmmmm.” Jensen’s eyes closed and he got a wistful smile. “Let’s do that one.”

So they did.

The next morning Jensen left, swearing to himself that was the last time they hook up just to relieve stress.

They went back to being brothers. They both made it home for the holidays. Jared went to Padre Island for spring break. Jensen found himself needing to check the local stores in Brownsville and Harlingen. They got drunk, got sun, got laid, and both promised not to tell mom. Jared was still only twenty.

They barely talked during Jared's senior year. They texted but life was hectic for both of them. Jensen's base was moved to the corporate offices in Houston but he was still barely there, usually flying all over the Texarkana region, finding idiots wherever he went.

By the spring of that year Jensen was promoted to Vice President. He didn’t travel half as much and was based out of Dallas again.

He and Jared celebrated with dinner. The next time Jensen saw Jared they were both dressed nicely and Jared was walking to Pomp and Circumstance.

When they called his name the family stood and clapped; Jared took his diploma and pumped his fist in the air.

Jared saw his family, felt the uplifting sensation of accomplishment but it was mixed with the crushing weight of loss. He’d lost Jensen and he wasn’t sure how to get him back. They’d come this far and lost track of each other and then, as he heard his name called, he realized he was being a moron. The plan formulated in less than a second and since there was no time to think it through, there was no time to talk himself out of it.

He received his diploma, gave a fist punch into the air and then strode off stage, jumping the five feet to the ground and walking through the milling people, the crowd parting as he shouldered his way through. He grabbed Jensen by his tie and pulled him past Miss Donna and Mr. Alan, (mom and dad) pulled Jensen in close and kissed him stupid.

“I’m twenty one and a college graduate. Now what’s your argument?”

Jensen shook his head, admitting defeat, or victory, or whatever and kissed Jared back, taking the graduation cap off of him and tossing it as everyone else did. They didn’t let go of each other.

One of Jared's friend’s came up to congratulate him and stared for a minute. “So this is your boyfriend?”

Jensen looked up for a second with a cheeky smile. “ Foster boyfriend.”

Miss Donna rolled her eyes. “c’mon you two, we’ve got reservations at Fogo de Chao”

Jared wrapped an arm around Jensen's waist. Jensen kissed him again and they headed off, together.

~Fin